The Enough Project - 1 Day To The First Day Of Rehearsal...

Today, The Enough Project is just 1 day away from going into rehearsal. This project, that started life in 2011 is finally on the brink of becoming a real, living thing out in the world...  For me and Cathy Crabb (my friend and fellow playwright working on this project) this has been an incredible journey...

It all started when we had a meet up in Chetham's Library, Manchester (the oldest public library in the UK) to talk about ideas. Specifically, we wanted to find a way of working with each other to challenge ourselves and to have fun, while also supporting each other to get our work up and out to a wider audience. Back in 2011 we were both in a bit of a work dip. It was difficult. Was there a way to support each other to write our way out of that?

I've been a fan of Cathy's work since I met her at a new writers development week held at Contact Theatre in the early 2000's. We come at things from different angles but I think our hearts beat to a similar,strange rhythm. We're both drawn to look at the darker side of life in our writing. We both find hope and relief in laughter. The style and form of our work couldn't be more different, but I knew we were kindred spirits from the moment we met all those years ago.

So, fast forward back to 2011... There we were at Chet's Library, nattering about the state of the world and trying to think about creative ways forward for our writing...

Cathy suggested we go and sit where Fredrick Engels and Karl Marx used to sit together in the reading room. There's a big old table in the alcove of the library where they both used to work. We decided we'd go sit there for some inspiration. Only, some damn kid got there before us. So, we had to hover near the table instead and sniff at history from a distance. Still, I like to think that just being in the reading room (bitterly staring dead-eyes at that kid, who no way needed to sit in the aura of Marx and Engels as much as we did) in some small way helped spark the beginning of the Enough Project...

Anyway that day, we talked and talked and talked. Life, work, everything... Up until the Enough Project the Pennines had been a big barrier for both of us. Cathy is based in the North West, I live and work in West Yorkshire. How could we break through and get work on all over the north? How could we get to write about what we cared about? We were a year into the Tory LibDem coalition, there was a lot to talk about - In terms of what they were doing - austerity - and what they were not doing - anything about climate change / jobs for youth / etc etc etc... We threw tons of ideas around... We were looking for a way to respond...And then we realised that the one thing that seemed to link everything we were talking about was captured in the illusive idea of the word 'enough'. This word just kept coming up. 'Getting enough work', 'how to know when you had taken enough?', 'the ecological implications of taking more than enough'...

That's how the idea for us to both write a 45 minute play responding to the word 'enough' came about. From there we agreed some simple rules: We agreed we'd initially write in isolation. We agreed we'd write for four characters, having first worked out their ages and genders, so that each play once written could be performed by the same company, on the same night as a double bill. And most importantly we agreed that the means would impact on the ends. We'd be frugal, flexible and we'd see what we could achieve together by working collaboratively. All for one, one for all. We were sitting pretty close to Marx and Engel's table after all...

The Enough Project was born... 

That was the spark. From there it has just grown and grown. It's taken 2 years and a lot of work and a lot of patience. We applied for and got Arts Council funding that allowed us to write the 1st draft scripts and have read throughs / rehearsed readings at Salford Kings and Theatre in the Mill (we documented this initial process on the Enough Project website).

Cathy wrote Something Right which is set in working class Hulme, Manchester and follows brother and sister Jake and Maisie as they attempt to work out how to make sense of the hypocrisies of the adult world...When local self styled guru, Robin, arrives on the scene, encouraging them to drop out and fight the system, it's Jake and Maisie's Mum, Sarah, who steps in to try and get her kids to focus on keeping their heads above water in the real world... It's a battle for hearts and minds, but no one is prepared for the change Maisie is about to experience. The family will never be the same again...

My play Brimming is about middle class Monica and her husband Tony, a couple crippled by a cycle of emotional abuse and passive aggressive retaliation who are however bound together by the fear that the devil you know may really be the least-worst option...  The only thing they now both have in common is a genuine love for their daughter Anna... Both secretly fear that the only good thing they've ever achieved is bringing her up right... But Anna has been learning to love by watching her parents... The night we meet the family, Monica and Tony are hosting a dinner party for Anna and her new boyfriend Jonny. There may be trouble ahead.

Once people read both scripts they find it hard to believe that Cathy and I really didn't confer while we were writing our first drafts. There are so many mirrorings and symmetrical oppositions. I mean it really freaked us out too! Cathy's play is about big political ideas impacting in on a family and how ideology effects the decisions and lives of individuals. My play is about personal domestic politics exploding out from a family into the world. The plays stand alone but together they feel more complete and rich. This amazed me and Cathy. Serendipity had called.

After sharing the first drafts and with audience feedback ringing in our ears, we set back to work,  rewrote and then began the process of looking for a producer. With the support of Iain Bloomfield at Theatre in the Mill, Porl Cooper at the Lowry (now at Slung Low) and Dick Bonham at The Carriageworks (now at Little Mighty) we then found venues who committed to supporting a tour of our work. Now all we needed was a producer... Could we get a producer? We felt a bit out of our depth but we held our nerve and went for it... Which is when we approached David Edmunds at DepArts...  Once Dep were on board, that's when things really started to hot up for real...

Check out the  model box pictures, (Design by Barney George).

So! It's taken 2 years but here we are. We're just 1 day away from starting rehearsals with Alan Lane directing, Barney George designing and actors Lauryn Redding, Jo Mousley, Russell Richardson and Terence Rae forming the Enough Project company of actors.

All these people, working towards taking our work on a double-bill-mini-tour of the north that will be visiting Theatre in the Mill, The Lowry and The Carriageworks) this June.

We're on the brink of handing our dreams over to the Alan and the cast.  The first day of rehearsal is the day you've longed for and yet the day is a little sad too. It's where you start the process of becoming redundant in the room... In a way then, this moment, when the plan is finally hatched but the rehearsal process is still to begin, is the Cathy's and my peak in the making process... From now on, we will be letting go and watching what our plays become.

That's why it seemed like the right time to reflect. And it felt important too, to say the following:

1 - What a journey! Thank you so much to all the people who have helped Cathy and I progress the Enough Project from a seed of an idea to where we are now.

2 - Come see the show!

3 - To writers who may be in a shallow / dispiriting patch - Everyone who writes has moments when their writing seems to be going nowhere.  Don't give up! Things can and do turn around. There are ways to make things happen.

Oh and

4 - If you want to warm your bottom where Marx and Engels used to sit, don't make the mistake Cathy and I made. Get yourself over to Chet's Library good and early.

An Adventure In Dublin (with a tiny update on The Enough Project too)

In the coming weeks The Enough Project - a collaboration between myself and fellow writer Cathy Crabb - will begin rehearsal for a mini tour of the north of England (Theatre in the Mill, The Lowry and The Carriageworks). Dep Arts is producing, Alan Lane is directing and Barney George is designing. Cathy and I have just seen the model box for the show… So we’re beginning to get very excited, because this is something that we have been working towards for a long time…

Even so… 

That’s not what this blog is about… 

I mention it here because on this occasion it’s context.

This blog is about a wonderful / unexpected spin off from the Enough process…  

When the Lowry got involved with The Enough Project they also made Cathy and I part of their new Accelerate Programme, which is funded by the Jerwood Charitable Foundation. Accelerate creates opportunities for artists to fast track their creative practice by opening up opportunities that they wouldn't have otherwise had.  So, we’ve been given an incredible gift, which we are really grateful for.

Our first Accelerate powered experience was attending the IETM spring plenary meeting in Dublin between the 11^th and 14^th of March. 

IETM is an international network for the performing arts community. Cathy and I thought attending this event would be a great opportunity to learn from a group of people that we wouldn’t usually get the chance to meet.

That’s the background… Here’s what happened…

I had the privilege of sitting in the Abbey Theatre while Theo Dorgan gave his speech about Trust. I’ll never forget hearing him talk. It was brilliant, beautiful and profound. I urge you to click on the soundcloud link above and listen.

I met people in some of the endless queue’s of registration day or while attending performance events that led to great conversations.... Serendipity called and I decided to put my trust in it. I have to admit I’m a bit rubbish at cold-call-schmoozing. I didn’t talk to millions of people and I didn’t pitch any ideas and I didn’t give away 100 business cards. But I did end up having some lovely, illuminating conversations with a few people that I seemed to click and connect with. That feels real and that suits me.

I got to see some brilliant work by some exciting performers / theatre makers. 

Highlights included:

Am I Rambling? Curated by Veronica Dyas and Sorcha Kenny: This was a fantastic piece that took the audience on a 2 hours+ walk around Dublin, away from the obvious places, to meet artists and see performances out on the street. In the process I discovered (amongst others) THEATREclub and Dick Walsh’s work. I’ve thought about this walk (as a whole and it’s parts) so much since I saw it. It was inspiring to see / meet different performers as we journeyed through a side of Dublin that was sometimes beautiful, sometimes disturbing but always surprising… 

Veronica and Sorcha led, sharing ideas and thoughts as we walked... The artists that we met on route presented simple but beautifully formed ideas/moments/pieces. Whether thinking about it as a whole event or just about its smaller sections, the striking thing for me was its simplicity. The simplicity of walking, talking, watching. How quickly this act formed a herd of strangers into a gang on a mission, traversing unknown streets. The simple moments of interchange and performance punctuated this experience and it all built slowly but powerfully into a unforgettable declaration from the underground / underside of Dublin city. This work was not about beautiful text or costume or staging but it felt urgent, alive, funny, sad, beautiful, imaginative, edgy, accessible and real… 

During THEATREclub’s piece (about the ignored history / voices from the community of St Michaels Estate, Inchicore, Dublin 8) the performers led us, talking over each other, telling us to listen to their version of events 'don't listen to her, she's not in this, listen to me'... The patchwork of voices and the sense of information and misinformation being playfully slung, made me laugh but it was a rueful laughter. There was sadness and anger underneath the knowing smiles. A casual remark about a forgotten unmarked potato famine pit in a grave yard, a reenactment of the last march Easter Rising fighters made through Inchicore streets to the local barracks before being executed. We marched and played along only at the end finding out what we were really doing. But the chilling revelation was shrugged off with a provocative smile. And anyway kids had already started shouting 'over here! come on! listen to us'... It all reminded me that history is not just a natural narrative, but a weave created by he who shouts the loudest / writes the sassiest / has the most cash to sets up libraries ...  At the end, when the performers led us to the Luas (Dublin’s tram system) and THEATREclub waved goodbye, they shouted ‘Don’t forget what we told you!’ and I thought to myself ‘I will make it my business to remember’. Because this estate has known and continues to know harsh times. The ironic provocative shouts from the children involved in the performance told me everything I needed to know about that. Children who were at once excited to have strangers attention but also uncertain if we were just more people full of shit, coming onto their streets to make judgments... They reminded me of kids I’ve met in Bradford. Or any place where promises have been broken too many times by people who come in and  think they know better, think they can speak for, think they can take what they need, think they can make a difference but then find they can't... THEATREclub asked us to stop thinking of ourselves in their space and to instead, just for once, hear and see what matters to the people in a community talking about its self for itself. The hairs were up on the back of my neck with this work.

Pan Pan theatre’s All That Fall, an installation / performance /audio recording of Beckett’s radio play. Housed in a chamber lit by banks of lights and filled with rocking chairs with skull print cushions to sit on, I sat and experienced audio drama in a whole new way. Very odd. Very disconcerting. To be lulled and comforted as you rock side by side with other audience members and listen to an angry/tragic/hilarious/dark story of ageing and regret. Rocking in a rocking chair is such an intimate, somehow childish thing to do. And creating a world out of the sounds of an audio play is such a private act. Or usually something I do when I'm on my own, in my own kitchen... So engaging with this, in a room full of people, in an atmosphere designed to send you to sleep but then which wakes you with occasional night terrors, was on one level quite fun but on another a slow burn surprise / darkly unique. For UK folk - it's going to Edinburgh this year. I think it's something to experience (if you find that you are in Edinburgh too).

Dublin’s Fare City curated by Michelle Browne in which a cab driver called Thomas drove us to the tenements and talked about his experience of growing up in shocking poverty in the Dublin of the 50s and 60s. An incredibly powerful experience, which I find myself thinking about over and over.  It’s such a simple inversion of roles. To put yourself in the drivers hands and to allow yourself to be taken along for the ride. Suddenly it’s the person who is driving not the destination that matters. Suddenly the cab driver is a person not the thing that motors you from A to B... I found Thomas’ story moving and beautiful because despite some of the incredible hardships of his life I’ve rarely met someone more positive and certain of life’s beauty. This was generous, emotional, intelligent and inspirational work.

I also had the opportunity to hear artists talking about working with and about marginalized communities (including Rosaleen McDonagh / Gabriel Gbadamosi Vauxhall London / Owen Boss from Anu productions / Elli Papakonstantinou from the ODC Ensemble in Greece). Despite the awful title for this panel discussion (which almost made me stay away), the conversation was powerful and provocative and I learnt a huge amount. I got an insight into: What is really going on in Greece and how activism and theatre are melding there into one experience / What really went on with the Magdalene communities in Ireland / What it’s really like to have a physical disability and carve out a career despite people’s assumptions of what you can and can’t do…And much more... Listening to this conversation unfold made me think a lot about a piece of work I’m involved in developing at the moment. It made me think a ton about starting points and integrity. It's making me interrogate where I am and think about how I can do things better.

On the downside

I couldn’t help noticing that while women made up about 2/3’s of the IETM attenders, they were (looking at the event as a whole) far too often under represented on stage and in panel discussions.  I found that frustrating and it made me angry. I went to an event ‘Let the Music Do the Talking’ which celebrated ‘the contribution [made by] musicians to the performing arts in Ireland’. However, out of the 9 or so performers / bands who were described as having a ‘defining impact on contemporary Irish theatre and dance practice’ there was just one woman on stage the whole night… I question how representative this showcase was. I suspect that in fact there are many brilliant women doing work who just didn’t get the call...

Also, if you ever stay in Dublin, be warned! Do not stay at Russell’s Court unless you are there to party party party hard. All night. Nothing wrong with that, but just know the banging beat and the screaming outside your window starts up around 11PM and doesn't really stop again until 4/5AM in the morning. Every single night. And we were up on the top floor. Though they do leave a complimentary pair of earplugs in a little welcoming pack on the toilet cistern, which I thought was thoughtful.

Overall...

The experience was not without it’s frustrations. But I genuinely do think that attending IETM, seeing this work / hearing these artists talk/ being around this international community for the four days we were away was a gold dust experience.  It was inspiring, challenging and has given me a lot of food for thought. Thanks to The Jerwood Charitable Trust and The Lowry for making it possible.

A pod cast and a manifesto by Powell and Pressburger

Last week I got the chance to join in with a really interesting conversation recorded over at Theatre in the Mill in Bradford, by Chris Goode for his Thompson's Live podcast. Iain Bloomfield, Pauline Mayers and myself were the guests, but it kind of turned into a group chat in places (with members of the audience getting involved too) so the conversation just blossomed... There are so many things that people talked about that I've been thinking about since... Edible soil / politics of performance / proof of an afterlife / the inherent sadness in the act of remembering happiness - and that's not the half of it... Anyway click on Thompson’s Live: Series 2 Episode 2 (8th April 2013) if you fancy a listen : )  PS I was talking about 'The Life and Death of Colonel Blimp' (1943) a film by Powell and Pressburger + a 'BFI Film Classics' book by A.L.Kennedy about what the film means to her...  In the recording I mention a 'Manifesto for Filmmaking' that Powell and Pressburger had created and which Pressburger sent to Wendy Hiller in an attempt to lure her into joining the cast for the film (a part that was eventually taken by Debora Kerr)... Anyway, as A.L.Kennedy says, this manifesto 'could easily be applied to almost any other creative medium' and its something I've been thinking about a lot in these days of arts cuts and a turning away from even the very idea of 'subsidised arts'. Check out the new Arts Council Chair Peter Bazalgette's ideas about subsidy where he says"Subsidy sounds like a European wine lake... It's an old-fashioned passive word that I've trained myself out of using." Well if the person running the arts council no longer believes in fighting for the idea of subsidy, you know things are a-changing... Anyway, yes I've been thinking about all of this a good deal, and when I found this manifesto I punched the air. Frightening how 'modern' and provocative this manifesto feels (though it must be admitted that sometimes the language is also quite old fashioned / male centric - but he was writing in 1942). It makes me think 'how regressive is our political thinking at the moment?' It scares me. BUT we have to be brave and look it in the eye and fight it... And there is something expressed in the five points below that gives me great hope. It's fighting talk. It's passionate talk. And it 100% believes in the importance of art and it's place in the world, not just for artists but for audiences too. There is not one iota of apology here. This sparks with passion and desire. I love that. And I love it because if you watch Powell and Pressburger's work, it reaches the high bar they set themselves. When I think that something is impossible I think of Powell and Pressburger. An inspiration who made magical, impossible things happen... 'Can we do it? YES WE CAN!'...

I'll stop there. But here's the manifesto:

One, we owe allegiance to nobody except the financial interests which provide our money; and, to them, the sole responsibility of ensuring them a profit, not a loss.

Two, ever single foot in our films is our own responsibility and nobody else's. We refuse to be guided or coerced by any influence but our own judgement.

Three, when we start work on a new idea we must be a year ahead, not only of our competitors, but also of the times. A real film, from idea to universal release , takes a year. Or more.

Four, no artist believes in escapism. And we secretly believe that no audience does. We have proved, at any rate, that they will pay to see the truth, for other reasons than her nakedness.

Five, at any time and particularly at the present, the self-respect of all collaborators, form star to prop-man, is sustained, or diminished, by the theme and purpose of the film they are working on. They will fight or intrigue to work on a subject they feel is urgent or contemporary, and fight equally hard to avoid working on a trivial or pointless subject. And we agree with them and want the best workmen with us; and get them.

These are the main things we believe in. They have brought us an unbroken record of success and a unique position. Without the one, of course, we should not enjoy the other very long. We are under no illusions. We know we are surrounded by hungry sharks. But you have no idea what fun it is surf-bathing, if you have only paddled, with a nurse holding on to the back of your rompers. We hope you will come on in, the water's fine.  

The Freakoid Adventure

So the Freakoid adventure is over for now...

Freakoid has taken up such an enormous part of my brain for the last few months. And now it's done. Or at least its first outing is over.  There is talk of a Northern revival... Watch this space... So it feels like a good time to gather my thoughts on the process / project.

The act of performing this work myself (I usually don't perform. I usually write for others to perform) has been once again an intense / revelatory experience.  I find it fascinating how its possible to have two very different experiences of a piece of work simultaneously. As a writer I have quite a clear idea of what Freakoid is about. But as a performer I discovered things in the text that were a surprise. I mean, actually how does that happen? But it does. That's made me think a lot about how it might be possible to work with performers in a more collaborative way in the future. Well I suppose this is something I've been interested in for a while, but this experience has galvanised that for me.  Performers see things that writers miss!  

What else? Doing the show has reminded me how much I like writing and singing songs.  I haven't done that properly for a long time and I can feel an urge to continue. I can feel an urge to set up a punk rock band '1234 ROCK'. Yes, I can see that coming...  

It's also made me hugely aware of how much can be done on stage that has nothing to do with the lines that are scripted.  How a look or a movement can say a million things.  

I've also experienced as a performer how powerful the desire to be liked by your audience is.  How on nights when the show isn't quite running how it should, the urge to do anything to get the audience to like you is incredibly strong. And yet that way disaster lies.  The urge I had on a number of occasions to undermine my own play just so some people I don't know would like me... Yep, I have faced that and been tempted, though I'm glad to say I never allowed myself to give in (which did mean that sometimes, if the audience weren't for laughing, they instead got a very very dark show. So be it).  Occasionally I've seen actors fall into doing this kind of thing in productions of my work. I've seen them sell a line out for a cheap laugh, with the consequence that the whole scene is then ruined. When I've seen this I've felt so angry and let down.  I may well be a little bit more understanding about the urge to do it now (though I don't think it would make me feel any less pissed off. For a writer / director / actor / producer / technician / anyone involved in making a theatre show - surely the holy thing in the room is the integrity of the thing you are all working towards making? ). But yes. I experienced that. It was very strange. A very strong powerful force.

Something surprising I've found about performing my own work is that (for me anyway) it created a kind of concertina effect of non-objectivity.  I suspect this was to do with the fear I was experiencing. And also something to do with being the sole performer on stage?  But yes, fear (I find being on stage frightening) flattens and bleaches everything out. Everything becomes black and white / good and bad - there's nothing in between when fear is involved... And so in that kind of place, it's hard to keep a nuanced space in your head.  Consequently, I found in the early shows especially that I was a hopeless judge of my own performance. I'd come off and things would feel either 'great' or 'crap'. Which meant it was hard to get a real sense of where we really were with the show... In turn this made me very reliant on Sarah Applewhite who directed. That was a lot of pressure for her I think... I'm lucky she has such great generosity, clarity and calmness because there were performances which I thought had gone well that hadn't. And conversely, there were performances that I thought had been rocky, where she just shook her head at me and would say 'No Em, this one worked'.  She was the compass who retained her sense of true north through this experience.  She's great.  If you get the chance, you should work with her... Anyway, as the run continued this loss of my own compass lessened. In the last week I was much more able to properly judge things. But it's a funny thing to find yourself so far 'into' something that you're kind of the only one who really doesn't have a great view of what it is.

As far as performing again goes?  I'm not sure at the moment.  Putting Freakoid aside (because we may revive it) I think I may wish to continue performing, but if I do I think I want to find a way of working that truly frees me from text! Which is interesting because I think the kind of performance I'm excited about performing may not be the kind of theatre that I'm interested in writing for others to perform.  This is an early reflection.  Ideas are still forming... It may be nonsense... But it's something that has been going around in my head. We'll see.

The ups and downs of Freakoid... 

So, I'll tell you about the ups first... We got an Off West end Theatres (Offie) Nomination for 'Most Promising New Playwright'.  Which is bloody amazing. So amazing that here's the badge to prove it.  I mean look at it! We are delighted...

And we got some great reviews...

Exeunt Magazine

4 Stars

“Emma Adams’ is fantastic in character, particularly when belting out a glorious tune, accompanied by her portable Casio keyboard… If Freakoid is anything to go by, the future looks pretty cool.”

Female Arts

4 Stars

“‘Freakoid’ is an ode to revolution, but mostly acceptance and love... This is an intelligent, silly and wonderfully zany show. Through the concept of ‘intersexual relationships between bio-droids and half-meats’, the audience is allowed to reflect on a very pertinent and contemporary issue for today – tolerance and acceptance… Expect one-liner gags and skilfully characterised comedic rhetoric. Look out for a twist at the end. I can recommend this highly.”

Planet London

“Freakoid” is one of the most inventive pieces of theatre I have seen in a very long time and richly deserves to be seen by a far wider audience. Keep your eye out for Emma Adams who both wrote and performed this play along with Sarah Applewhite who directed. They are going to pop up in the West End at some point soon or you could go see this production and tell your grandchildren how you saw that Emma Adams before she got famous.”

Public Reviews

3 Stars 

“Adams is a likeable performer with plenty of presence, and her mischievous quality coupled with the imaginative set and clever staging make this unusual production both strangely engaging and engagingly strange. Definitely an original concept, and a piece that will keep you guessing.”

One Stop Arts

3 Stars

“A well-presented one-woman-play, set in a world full of turmoil and segregation, touching on a broad range of ethical and moral issues… A wonderfully wacky production.”

But there were downs too.  It's emotionally / physically one of the most exposing / exhausting things I've ever done. It was at times a very very long 3 weeks.  To give you one example, on our first preview a blogger came and subsequently reviewed the performance as a dud. And they went on to post their blog on the night that the press night was happening.  So it looked as if their review was a 'hot off the press' reaction to the show we had just done (which had worked much better). So that felt like a bit of a kick in the teeth really.  I understood previews to be something like a public dress rehearsal. Ticket prices are halved and the expectation is that things probably will go wrong as a show works towards getting its self into gear for press night. Freakoid on its first preview was not the finished article. The show subsequently lost over 20 minutes.  We ripped some scenes out. Lost a song. Wrote a new sequence... Every night we were working on making the show better... A show is fair game from press night onwards, but this review of the preview felt very harsh. And it knocked my confidence. It really did. It felt like a body blow. Of course we were then lucky to go on and get some great reviews and the nomination. But I suppose the experience was a shock to me. Because I didn't understand the intent of the writer. I'm not sure what they thought they would achieve (other than a body blow) by doing what they did.  We would have happily given them comps for the press night if they had asked... I have spoken to people since and they've said things like 'Sadly, it's quite common practice' or 'It's shit, but you have to expect it'... Well I guess I know now! But it was a real wake up call to how this 'business' works. Because even though most of us are doing it for next to nothing or for free, even so, theatre is a dirty old business, which runs on the fuels of fear, need and ego, just as much as the power derived from love, communication and a desire to expand experience.

So yeah. At times it's been a hard time.

BUT that's no place to end this blog!  

The dark side is only part of the story... 

I'm really glad that we did it. I've learnt so much and loved working with Sarah Applewhite, Rick Robinson who did sound production, Maria Spadfora who did the stills and video for the show, plus Maria Alves who was our fantastic lighting designer. It's been an amazing opportunity to be down at the Ovalhouse - thanks to Rebecca and Rachel for believing in the project and commissioning it. And we had so much fun (alongside the scary bits). Particularly lovely was getting to hook up with Tom Frankland and Nick Field who were just some of the fantastic artists we had time to get to know while we were doing the run.  They made things fun while we were down in London. Both of them have shows coming up btw. So if you click on their names you could do yourself a favour and see some fab work...

Right. That's it. For now...

Picture Credits...

All production shots by Paul Fox

A bit of explanatory blurb about Freakoid incase you didn't see it...

Freakoid - a co commission with Ovalhouse, London.
Following on from the Mauve New World development process begun in summer 2012 (commissioned by  Ovalhouse, London, Pink Fringe and TheNightingale, Brighton) Freakoid was developed further and was co produced with Ovalhouse and myself with Sarah Applewhite directing. The play was on in the studio between Feb 19th - March 9th 2013.  This piece of work explores what personhood is / may become in the future once our dabblings in synthetic biology have played out... The story asks what makes a person? Who gets to decide who has person hood and how come we find it so easy to turn people we don't understand into things that are less than human?.. Part comedic musical / part philosophical dialogue / part absurd adventure with an unexpected twist to catch at the end Freakoid is an unusual play!  It tells the story of a frightened, middle aged woman called Emma, who (having taken up the innocent hobby of genealogy) discovers her great grandparents were not quite as fully human as the authorities (or she) would like. In fact one was part ZX Spectrum and the other was a sentient vacuum cleaner. Both were revolutionary activists fighting for the right to declare their personhood. Perhaps unsurprisingly she discovers it didn't end so well for them... But when Emma's interest in genealogy is discovered she has to decide whether she's going to hide the truth or fight for the rights of biobots to be finally allowed full personhood. In the process, she might just start to like herself and live!

The Reason I've been quiet of late is...

.... because I've been mad busy writing and starting rehearsals for Freakoid.

Northern Big Board mini update 1

1st draft of Northern Big Board is done. Now: Sleep. Light Night. Food. Weekend off. Bath. Phoning my Mum. Seeing my girlfriend. Seeing my girlfriend. Interview for BCB (the best radio station in Bradford). No really, seeing my girlfriend. Beatles on the telly box. Trowel on make up & hope eyes look focused. Wood walk. Several pints, possible irresponsible consumption involved. Not necessarily in that order. Then next week. Notes  with Slung Low and redrafting starts. And work at the pool with Hannah Nicklin begins. Very happy. Very tired. Very excited. 

Freakoid2 – Stage 2 The Nightingale, Brighton…

I’ve just returned from remaking Freakoid in to Freakoid2 and performing it at The Nightingale Theatre, Brighton on Friday 20th and Saturday 21^st July. This was the final instalment of the Mauve New World / queer futures development process I’ve been involved in. As with the first part at Ovalhouse, London - this adventure in Brighton blew my mind…

To Polish or Play?

After getting home from our Ovalhouse explorations, I sat down with my director Sarah Applewhite and we discussed the feedback we had had. Generally the feedback had been good. People seemed to like the show and like the style and vibe, but there was disagreement from our audience about what exactly we should focus on in further development. There was no consensus for us to lean on, which put the ball firmly back in our own court. The one exception to this was about the 2 songs in the show.  The one very consistent bit of feedback we got was that people liked the songs.  Everyone suggested ‘more songs’.  But Sarah was a bit concerned about that.  She thought that while the songs were good of themselves, they weren’t really helping to create a consistent performance.  They were working as stand-alone ‘here’s a song’ moments – but what they didn’t quite do was sit in the narrative and comment on it (which was my intention) or achieve a musical type vibe (where a song will work to drive the narrative)… Sarah thought the failure of the songs to achieve either of these goals meant that they were in danger of becoming a bit of a nice distraction.  I had to agree, though I didn’t want admit she was right.  Of all the things that I was doing in the performance of Freakoid, the singing was the one thing that I felt fairly confident about.  I used to sing in a band.  I know how to hold a tune and hold an audience when I’m singing.  For this reason I wanted to keep the songs.  Sarah challenged me to find ways to make them more integral or think about dropping them.  She argued that it was a problem that the songs were the strongest part of the show. She feared they were a kind of ‘get out clause’… And I knew what she meant (though when we started discussing ways to go I was quite reluctant to give my safety blanket up)…

So the upshot of these conversations led us to start thinking along two lines of thought:  

1 - What do we do with the narrative and the form?  At this stage do we essentially polish the concept / story / way that we are telling it? Or do we really get playful and allow everything to be up for grabs? 

2 – Do we focus the development around creating more songs or move away from the singing to see what would happen if I didn’t have that safety net?

Our gut instinct was to play not polish, but we weren’t sure if that was what we ‘should’ do… We had a phone chat feedback session with Rachel and Rebecca at Ovalhouse.  We wanted to know what their advice would be?

They said unanimously, ‘play’.  And so we thought ‘OK, we will’…    

What happens if you decide to play instead of polish?

What that decision led to was a striping back to basics.  Sarah and I now embarked on conversations along the lines of ‘If we are playing, what are we trying to find out?’ ‘What did we learn from the way of working last time?’ and  ‘What new things do we want to learn this time?’  Out of these conversations a few significant things got decided:

1^st – We decided that the focus should be process not the product, even though with the prospect of showing the work to an audience this decision felt very scary.  Even so, we thought to do the opportunity justice we had to stop worrying about the ‘show’…   As such, it was agreed that I would do the show entirely script in-hand (instead of worrying about learning chunks as I had down at Ovalhouse).  Trying to learn the script had been one of the major things that almost killed me first time around.

2^nd – We were going to focus on developing our collaboration as well as the piece.  So we were going to work together to form decisions about the authorship of the piece.  I was going to write and perform the script and Sarah was going to direct it, but we were going to work hard to form its meaning together.  With Freakoid the 1^st, I had written a script that Sarah gave notes for.  In this process, we were going to start that conversation sooner (before the script got tied down) to see what would happen.

3^rd – We were going to explore removing the safety net of me singing ‘as me’ in the show.  Songs could happen, music could happen but we agreed for this show, if songs happened they would not be a comment upon the action, they would be sung in character and would be there to attempt to push the narrative forward. I have to say I was quite challenged by this decision, but I thought it was the right thing to do.

4^th – We decided it was important to explore the potential of the narrative, to see if it had a proper story motor…  So we gave ourselves the challenge– ‘Is it possible to take the themes of Freakoid 1 and the key parts of it’s narrative, but find a completely new way to tell the story?’

5^th – We wanted to keep experimenting with old school analog equipment, to create a kind of consistency between the two pieces. 

6^th – Similarly, we wanted to continue our exploration of tone. Putting some very silly and very serious things together to see how that could create political meaning.

With these questions / goals in mind and with 2 weeks to go, I set about writing a vomit draft of ideas.  Then Sarah gave notes and we discussed ways forward. Then I would rewrite… This ping-pong process continued over 4 drafts, which were written over about 7 days.  The final draft was finished 2 days before the first night…  It was a scary way to work – BUT it was really exciting / liberating too.  It meant that when Rick my friend (who had been working hard fixing up an old tape machine I hoped might be good for the show, got in touch to say that he had managed to get it working, even though we were 5 days from the opening night we were able to incorporate the audio that we suddenly found we had access to (more on this in a moment).  Getting to work this flexibly/intuitively was really exciting.

Anyway, what we ended up with was the idea of Freakoid 2… The best way I can describe the difference between Freakoid and Freakoid2 is the difference between ‘Star Trek’ and ‘Star Trek The Next Generation’.  The characters are different and time has moved forward but we are in the same story universe; everything that happened in the first story is ‘history’ in the second and so effects / resonates through the 2nd story.  

Sarah and I wanted to create something with Freakoid2 that audiences could watch as a stand alone experience but which would also be consistent with the 1st Freakoid show, so that if they had seen that, they’d be able to go ‘oh yeah’ at certain bits… 

That was the hope…  That was the great big huge bar we set ourselves to leap…

Freakoid2 – the story…

In Freakoid2, I liked the idea of creating a middle aged, very well to do straight character who is queer in her world. For me that felt politically important. I'm interested in the way queer thinking can liberate people to be free to be who they are, not simply entrap them within yet another label to conform to. I think capitalism does this to us btw (but that's another blog post). Anyway,  I thought if a queer audience can fall a bit in love with a silly, strange, middle aged straight lady, then in a way the whole point of the show is made...  Ie. Love and understanding is better than fear... In the first story, the character is queer because she is a half machine-half human ‘meatbot’ in a frightened world.  In this story, the character is queer because she is humane in a horribly inhumane world. The world has become horribly inhumane because its leaders failed to see the humanity in the 'half creatures' of the previous generation and so destroyed them and in doing so, something in themselves... But our new character doesn’t realise this, and thinks there is something wrong with her… 

We meet her at the beginning of a talk she has been asked to give to ‘The 2^nd fenced republic's institute of non-men’ all about her hobby, which is genealogy… Her presentation unravels; a general talk about family trees becomes much more personal and the taboo truth about her lineage is revealed.  Because it turns out that her great grandmother was the meatbot from the original story.... As this truth is revealed along with a good deal more terrible/silly/heartbreaking secrets, she becomes ostracized by the audience. And so in the end, she makes a final stand and effectively ‘comes out’ as someone who dares to disagree with how things are.  This, while brave is highly dangerous in her world, and things do not end to well… Freakoid2 is pretty dark. But it’s got funny bits and two songs and a good deal of silly fun with an overhead projector too.   

Singing Badly…

In terms of performing, this show was a massive leap of a challenge because I had accepted that I was going to actually try acting a character (and not just pretend to be me).  I was taking it on the chin that I was going to have to act.  But even scarier, the character in this play needed to sing badly.  There is a moment when she reprises a song from the first show, but this time it’s not ‘performed’ it is just sung. And it has to be very sad and part of that has to do with her singing when she can't...  And that was really hard to do. The temptation to go all Bonny Langford and scream ‘bring on the dancing girls’ was large.  I only really hit it once. And unfortunately that was in the tech.  But I am so glad I went for this… The songs worked in this show in a way that they didn’t in the first one.  That makes me really happy. 

The Story of the Found Tape…

I have to mention this story…  So I was at my friend Lea’s house a few weeks before work on the first version of Freakoid started.  And Lea’s Dad had brought round this old skool, reel to reel tape player.  And it was sitting in her garage and as soon as I saw it I was like ‘WOW! LEA! PLEASE CAN I BORROW THAT!’ and Lea was really lovely and said ‘yes you can’.  So I took it.  But when I got it home, I couldn’t even work out how to plug it in. Luckily my friend Rick is a genius of sound and electrical things.  So I took it to his house and said ‘please?’ he said ‘I’ll see what I can do’… Which involved him doing a ton of research on eBay… but eventually (after sourcing new belt drives and a microphone and other bits and bobs) he got the machine up and working.  This was some time later.  By now Freakoid 1 had been and gone and I was well into the making of Freakoid2… But what we found was that the tape on the machine wasn’t blank.  It was full of songs being sung by an unknown lady.  And it was really moving to hear this incredible voice, singing all these quite cheesy songs but with so much passion and belief.  I think she must have been a singing teacher; she’s got that kind of precise diction to her singing… Anyway, Rick played me one track which started ‘England is a very nice place’ and that was that! WOW I was like, ‘right this is going in!’ (even though as I’ve said above, the script was well on the way by this time).  When Sarah heard the recording she agreed. So then we had to find a way to make it work.  Also, it was complicated by the fact that I thought, ‘if we’re going to use this unknown woman’s voice in the show, then it’s got to be done with some love, otherwise it feels wrong’.  And this was worrying me until I discovered a way to make her into a hero in the plot.  I won’t say how, you might see the show sometime, but anyway, as soon as that happened I thought ‘we’re not letting you down now’ and that felt OK.  Anyway, the way that this unknown voice wound her way into the show is one of my favorite bits of the whole experience.  And I think for me this story really vindicates this way of working.  Letting the stuff that is happening in your world come out in the story that you’re making… It’s exciting.

What happened once we got to Brighton… 

We worked our pants off that’s what! The writing / discussion / planning continued and then we were into the rehearsal room trying lots of different ways to bring the work alive… Though we did get to eat some nice food and hang out with David Sheppeard from Pink Fringe and the other Mauve New World artists Nick and Brian too. We were all staying in the artists’ flat above the theatre… It made it feel all encompassing and exciting. I loved it, but I don’t think I could live so intensely ‘in’ my work like this all of the time… Oh, and I slipped away for an hour after we had run our tech to buy some huge great big green bother boots too.  They are ace.  I don’t care if they are beyond good taste. They are the kind of boots that it’s impossible to imagine your life without before you owned them.  You know what I mean.  I know you do.

I feel pretty excited about what happened as we developed this piece.  I feel like we were brave.  Really brave.  I don’t think what we created was perfect by any means, but by focusing on the process we actually made a performance that got a very strong reaction from the audience.  The people who came to talk to us afterwards were really moved by our character’s story and they wanted to know what happens next!  For me that is huge.  We’d set out to find out if we could find ways to expand the story world and people were saying ‘we want more’…

In terms of the fear of performing?  I had a much better time this time, mainly because I had stopped worrying about trying to be perfect or something that I wasn’t. And I’d kind of assumed that this would be the last time I’d be doing it too. So I thought, well if the process works, Sarah and I will just expand it out to incorporate a performer… But we got a very strong positive response about me continuing to perform the piece. This was of course nice, but also a bit scary.  In feedback after the show, audience members were saying ‘you doing it is important’. To which I was saying, ‘That’s lovely, but you won’t be saying that when I’m still clutching a script when you’ve paid a tenner to see the ‘finished’ work!’ To which David gently said ‘Not true, you’ve got this exploration of playing with analogue technology running through both of the shows. You’re overlooking how much you could do to explore performing through that, which would take the pressure off line learning… You should think about how you could use tape machines, super 8, slide shows etc etc…’ And as soon as he said that, me and Sarah looked at each other and went ‘OH YEAH… We hadn’t thought about that!’.

So what’s next with Freakoid?

Nothing is certain, but already in the wake of the performances in Brighton some really exciting discussions have started.  It’s possible that Sarah and I may yet start work on Freakoid3 in 2013.  We’ll see.  There is much to discuss and think about.  Logistics and blah – but I’m hopeful that the show and our collaboration will continue. Because I’d say that a part of my brain has been rewired by making Freakoid and Freakoid2.  I have learnt so much. Things like how a script isn’t finished when the final draft is delivered. How it has to be understood all over again. And that is invaluable knowledge for a writer to have. If I never ever act again, I now know what it feels like to be on the otherside. I'll always take that into rehearsals with me...  I’ve also begun to understand how I can engage as a writer in a theatre making process.  I’ve experienced first hand how it really is possible to share authorship of a script as you are writing. I didn’t quite understand how that might be possible before. I’ve also learnt that I can perform. And most surprisingly, I've learnt that I might like to do it again... Basically, I’ve stuffed myself on learning.  It’s almost unseemly. I feel like the process has made me into a huge great willing Foie gras goose. The amount of new ideas and ways of working that I’ve been gobbling up has made me feel fat with learning. 

The summer will be a time to digest.

I feel very lucky.

Huge thanks to Rachel & Rebecca at Ovalhouse and David & Tarik at Pink Fringe.